Wallace SC&W
Boundary Setting & Congregational Accountability
In talking to pastors I hear about blow ups in meetings where someone acted inappropriately, of a congregation that is torn apart by warring factions or of a member who speaks/acts in ways that are hurtful and destructive. Is there anything that can be done about these destructive experiences? Is there someway for the church to build a protective barrier against such things? We may not be able to always keep trials from coming our way but there are steps we can take to make those troubles fewer and less intense.
Churches need to provide boundaries for the congregation and procedures for dealing with inappropriate actions or comments. The saying that goes “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt” is as trite as it is untrue. Words do destroy (Matthew 12:36-37) and have caused immeasurable damage to the work of Christ. To take sin seriously means that we all have the inclination to do wrong and need help to choose right. So what can be done?
*Pray for God to keep all involved in the church doing what is right and best and loving.
*Communicate with the congregation the necessity and biblical call for the flock and leaders to be
protected from attack. Gain authorization for boundaries to be put in place and a group to watch
for ‘wolves’ or errant saints.
*Develop a covenant for members to sign that outlines expected behavior. So congregations have
their members sign this kind of covenant annually. (e.g. I will refrain from gossiping about others
in the church. If I have an issue with another I will go to that person and not complain to others
about that person. I will support verbally and in action the lay and staff leadership of the church.
I will refrain from speaking and acting in ways that will cause division in the church.)
*Have a group that is trained in dealing with destructive individuals and conflict. This group
needs to be selected carefully and clearly given the call and authority to protect the work and
workers of Christ.
*Regularly communicate expectations and the responsibilities of all Christians to protect the Body
and to behave faithfully (Ephesians 4:29, speak what builds up vs. ‘everyone gets their say,
speaking out of love vs. saying what is ‘true’, etc.)
*Pray regularly for God’s guidance and seek Scripture’s help in what to do and how to do it. Don’t
wait for a crisis to connect to God.
*Provide special workshops on conflict resolution in various areas (e.g. at work, in the marriage,
among friends, in parenting, in the church). The ‘tools’ from one area are often transferable to
others but a person might talk about conflict in one area but not in another.
*Seek outside help when needed. This might be legal help, help from a conflict specialist or a
consultant, or another area.
*Don’t overlook boundary crossings. “He means well” or “She’s just like that” are not
appropriate reasons to not challenge wrong actions or words.
*Challenge out of love and desire to build up the individual as well as protect the Body.
*Know the lengths you may need to go to and be willing to do what is needed. Some individuals
may be unwilling to stop hateful actions and so need to be set outside the boundaries of the
church; at least for a time.
*Allow a path for repentance and reconnection if the person so desires.
*Rigidly watch for errors made in enforcing boundaries and admit them and repair what can be
repaired
Yet it needs to be clear that while the congregation has a formal structure for protecting the Body, Individual believers need to take responsibility for confronting wrong.
Each follower of Christ is called to do what is needed to lovingly help others grow to be closer to/like Christ. This often happens as we deal with the flaws and failings of
our life and transform them to something better.
January 24, 2008
