Wallace SC&W
In many churches people exit out the back door in a silent and hidden fashion. Sometime they want to just slip away
unnoticed but at other times they are hurt and wishing someone would pay attention. In working to provide the most care
and help (for the one leaving and for the church) there are several things that can be done:
1. It is hard to identify when people leave if there is no expectation of them being present. Numerous churches have no
membership covenant or even any membership norms for the congregation. With this environment how do you tell when
someone is dropping out or when they are just focusing on other things? Churches need to communicate what is expected
of members before they join and then re-emphasize it frequently.
As far as how to track attendance, in several of the churches I have served we used excel worksheets to track
member attendance (obtained by sign in cards as well as a team who watches for those who had been missing for
a few weeks). This list was then used to make low key follow ups to those who had been absent 3-6 weeks.
Often it was a card saying we missed you or a call that expressed care and hoped to see them soon. These contacts
helped us discover illnesses, hospitalizations, vacations, and more in the lives of our members that we would otherwise
have missed.
2. Any follow up on those who are missing or leaving needs to be done from an attitude of love and a desire to show Christ
through our words and actions. It is not about maintaining members nor is it about completing a task, but contacts are to
follow up on people as an act of care. We are not to be selfishly motivated but driven by love for these people.
3. Without a set timeline for following up on people it is easy to allow too much time to pass. In one church I served the By Laws
mandated that members be contacted within 90 days of their failing to come to worship. This mandate was to spur the
congregation to care for it members. We began this contacting with monthly touches by the Shepherd/Elder (call, note or visit)
and then within 60 days by a staff person contact (call, visit or letter). After these two contacts then another contact was made
before the 90 days to once again see if there were problems that we could help with (church problems or others). These contacts
were not to shove our way into people’s personal lives but to show care and offer our help.
4. The issues causing the lack of presence at worship aren’t always about what happens at the church. Sometimes the issues
are work related and the stress is showing up in attendance at church. Sometimes it is a marital or family issue and the brokenness
or strain makes being in church difficult. Whatever the issue, the church can offer its love and help in getting through the darkness.
5. If the person is leaving the church then having an Exit Interview helps bring healing and closure to the relationship. Again, this is
not to be a judgmental or condemning time but a time to find out what has happened, to solicit insights from the person’s
perspective of the church (accurate or inaccurate) and to acknowledge their value and contribution to the congregation.
Possible questions or comments that might be shared include things like: “You have been an important part of our church and
the blessings you have given are appreciated. Thank you for helping change lives.” “What can we do to be an encouragement
and help to you?” “What would you like us to know?” “Will you pray for Christ to help us fulfill his desire for ABC Church?”
The answers should later be written down for comparison to other exit interviews and evaluation by church leaders for needed
changes or additions in the church’s ministry. If you are meeting by phone or in person end the time together with prayer if at all
possible. This interview doesn’t need to be long and if they don’t want to do it in person or phone then ask if you could send
the questions in the mail or by email and they fill it out. Remember, sometime Christ calls people to other ministries and we need
to help them be faithful to that calling.
6. Keep fantastic records on contacts. “I left the church and nobody ever contacted me!” was the claim made by one member.
I was shocked by the comment because I knew it was inaccurate. But that statement had the power to put a dark cloud over
the work of the church with other members and visitors. When I went back and looked at the contact list from our Shepherds
and my own contact list I found that there had been at least 3 contact made with here in the past 60 days. When I mentioned
them and what was talked about to her she paused, got an odd look on her face and said, “Oh yeh. I guess people did reach
out to me.” She wasn’t trying to mislead by her statement but in her hurt and confusion she just didn’t remember. Without being
reminded of the specifics she was never going to be convinced. Without the notes of care given a smudge on the efforts of the
church would not have been cleaned off her mind nor in the impressions of others.
7. Consider having a way to officially communicate to the congregation when someone has left the fellowship. We frequently
announce when someone joins our church but rarely have I seen a congregation that listed who had left. Perhaps this is because
we think it will stir questions or create a depressing atmosphere. Yet the reality is that people will talk about it in the parking lot
or on the phone and much misinformation is generated. Also there can be confusion about who is part and who is not a part of
the congregation. I have seen a nominating committee put forward a name of a person to be a leader who had withdrawn
membership years prior. One church required the Board to vote on whether a person be removed from membership after each
six months of inactivity. The Board had to decide whether to keep the person on an inactive list or to remove him/her from
membership but some action had to be taken. This made it impossible for people to just fade away unnoticed.
April 7, 2008
